Life of a Shinobi
by bon7o
Summary: What happens when the Akatsuki gets together to find and obtain the Nine tailed fox demon? Of course, with a little "help" from their friend, it's anything but...
1. Approval

Chapter 1: Approval

 **(A/N: Hey guys! Okay so I wrote this story like a really long time ago, and it was just basically a chat story like guy 1: guy 2: so on and so forth. Anyways, I decided to bring it to life by actually making a story out of it! It's comical, romantic, suspenseful, basically everything. I really hope you guys enjoy it! Don't forget to check out my other 3 stories as well!)**

 *** Hidan's voice is similar to his dubbed voice actor, Deidara has Shulk's voice from SSB4, Pein has Dark Pit voice from Super Smash Brothers 4, Konan has Corrin's voice actor from Super Smash Brothers 4, Kakuzu sounds like his dubbed voice actor, Itachi has his regular voice actor voice, Tobi has his regular dubbed voice actor voice, Madara has Mo jo jo jo's voice and Sasori has his regular dubbed voice actor**

 **I have to add this so you guys can get a feel of their voices, so it'll be read more enjoyable instead of a regular boring voice.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't in** _ **any way**_ **, own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden, Jersey Shore, Sharknado, Pizza Hut or Justin Bieber's song "Baby".**

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It was a windy and quiet night at the Akatsuki Underground Hideout. They were all pretty worn out from going mission after mission trying to find and capture all of the jinchū it was all to lead up to the major mission. Capturing the last and final one: Kurama, the nine tails, which was sealed away inside of a young man named Naruto Uzumaki. Looking for him and also capturing it wasn't going to be effortless but of course, they'd find a way. They're the Akatsuki after all, right?

The kitchen was empty which meant Deidara felt it was time to come out of his room to wine and dine while he still had the chance before it was dinner time. His teammates weren't familiar with sharing in that hideout so it was best to eat now before anyone else came, especially after a long day with no results. As he rummaged through the fridge, an idea came to his mind, it sounded ridiculously crazy but it didn't hurt to ask. ' _What if I were to capture the nine tails myself?_ '

He quickly gulped down his left over Classic RootBeer can and took a bite in a random leftover sandwich before hollering out, "Aye, where's Pein, yeah?" Directed at anyone who was listening, pieces of food falling from his mouth and onto the ground, his strong Australian accent shining through. When no answered he asked again, this time sounding much more demanding. "Where's Pein?!" "Oh, shut the f*** up!" Kakuzu called out to him, obviously annoyed that Deidara didn't just go and look for Pein himself, after all, their hideout wasn't that luxurious and he knew he was being lazy. Just in that moment Konan loudly starting playing her awful music, unfortunately blasting and singing along to a song which was more widely hated than the Akatsuki themselves, Justin Bieber's song, "Baby". "And I was like baby, baby, baby, oh!" Deidara could hear her horrible singing all the way in the kitchen. "Here we go again...KONAN!" Deidara groaned, drinking what was left of his root beer before smashing it in his hand and turning it into clay, throwing the remains in the nearby trashcan. He loathed when Konan sang but singing Justin Bieber on top of that? Not in this hideout. He made his way over to Konan's room, opening her door and letting himself in. "Oh, I thought you were playing that song by that one irritating boy, what's his name again? Oh yeah, Justin Biever?" He sarcastically asked, knowing the answer to his own question. "Oh wait, you are! Didn't you hear me trying to ask if anyone knew where Pein was? Oh wait, you didn't cause you're sitting here playing this crummy music, you're lucky I don't turn your radio until clay right now." Deidara added. Konan was so tired of Deidara, always putting his opinion in where it wasn't even needed. "What the f***? Deidara get OUT of my room! And don't you ever knock?!" Konan turned around on her chair and quickly tossed one her shirts at his face but he dodged as if he knew she was going to do that. Like the jokester he was, even though he was already in her room, he knocked on her already open door before asking where Pein was again."Wait, yeah? I was just going to ask where Pein was?" Deidara smirked. He loved messing with her. "Ha-ha very funny, and the last time I saw him he was on the computer, but I don't know, stop being lazy Deidara. Look around and find him yourself. Now get out of my room!" She said one last time before turning around again on her chair, her back now facing him. Deidara let out a groan and said a few swears under his breath. "You're lucky I just don't cut-" "Huh? What did you say?" He quickly tried to think of a lie, trying to avoid problems. "Uh, I just said that...we're going to Pizza Hut? So, bring a fork?" Deidara gave her an awkward laugh along with a smile, leaving before she could even say anything.

Deidara decided to listen to her though, maybe he _was_ just being lazy. He checked Pein's room before making his way over to the Hideout's computer room. A faint Pein giggling was all Deidara could hear as he started to get closer and closer to the enterance. "I love to see you shake...that... junk..." "Pein...?" Pein quickly shut down the laptop screen, embarrassed that he was walked in on while watching _the_ _P word_. "Uh, y-yes? What could you possibly want, Deidara?" He was hesitant now, but it'd be stupid if he turned back. "Um, this might sound absurd, but I was just wondering if Kisame and I could go on our own private mission to capture the nine tails?" Deidara knew that Pein wouldn't allow any of his members to go on such a mission on their own. Yeah, Pein was a bit careless at times but one thing he'd never do is leave a teammate hanging. They were a family in his eyes. A mindset like that is actually one of the reasons why they made him their leader. "Who in the world is Kisame again?" So much for a family guy. "You...hired him, remember? You thought if we hired a shark creature to this club, that it would make you feel more attractive, yeah." Deidara was shocked he forgot who Kisame was. He knew he was careless, but not stupid. "Oh yeah! Sharkie! Sharknado! Riiight, riiiight... what's his name again? Kisi? No... Kikaku?" Pein scratched his chin. Careless? Yeah. Stupid? Maybe. But forgetful? Deidara had to ask himself if Pein was really his leader just in this conversation alone. "It's Kisame, sir..." "Oh yeah, but uh, no. Go with Hidan instead. But remember, we're all in this together. You go, we all go." "No! I'm sorry, but no! No, no, no! Why do I have to go with _Hidan_?" Deidara was about ready to pull all his locks out. "Because the nine tails is very powerful, I think you're forgetting that." "Coming from someone who can't even remember who they even assigned to this d*** team?" "Either way, he's still very strong, Deidara. If you go with Kisame, he might..." He let out a quick cough to cover up him saying, "die", signifying that he'd care less if Kisame was killed off or not. "And if he does, I'll be sexier!" "Why...does... that... matter...?" "Have you seen his ratings online?! He was recently voted hottest Akatsuki member! 50 more votes than me! I can't be a leader with a reputation like that!" It was awkwardly silent for a while before Deidara finally spoke. "Interesting? I think? I'm gonna go now, yeah?" "Hey! Don't say anything alright?! I have the Rinnegan, you do know that?!" He pointed to his left eye, basically telling him he'd kill Deidara if he told anyone about poll numbers, as if he even cared. "Yeah, yeah. I know." Deidara waved his hand in a fanning motion, letting him know his secret was safe with him, but also that he didn't really care. He rushed out the door, not wanting to continue the conversation any further.

Deidara made his way over to the living room, spotting Hidan. "Hidan! HIDAN!" Deidara called out. "What?! I'm watching Jersey Shore!" Hidan replied from the living room, one arm hanging from over the couch. Deidara walked over to him, keeping his distance and decided to lean against the nearest wall eyes closed and arms crossed, not only because he didn't like him, but because he also always kept his Triple-Bladed Scythe around him at all times, which just naturally made Deidara uncomfortable. One cut and he would be having dinner with Jashin. "Yeah, yeah. You and I are gonna go prepare to find the nine-tailed fox demon tomorrow, alright?" "What in Lord Jashin are you rambling on about? I have to give Tobi a massage! I don't have time to chase cats these days, man. That's what dogs are for." He stated without turning away from the TV. "Why do you have to give Tobi a massage?" Deidara's eyes shot open, he regretted even asking once the words escaped his mouth. "It was a bet, don't ask." "Tobi's a good boy!" They both heard Tobi from the hallway, guessing he eavesdropped on their conversation. Typical Tobi. "Oh shut up, save that for the television." Hidan coldly responded. "Now what do you want again?" "Ugh, just be ready when I am tomorrow!" Deidara snapped and left to finally go back into his room. "Primadonna..." Hidan muttered under his breath, turning up the volume a little bit. He realized it was a commercial, just in time to go grab a snack, bringing his scythe along with him. He opened the fridge and was more than ready to eat his left-over sandwich from the other night. As he opened the wrapping paper, he realized it didn't look like that the last time he ate it. "Hey!" Hidan hollered. "Who took a bite out of my f****** sandwich?!" "DEIDARA! I THINK IT'S TIME TO SEE JASHIN NOW!"

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 **(A/N: wow, I really did some editing from the original, but it's still the same plot, etc. Just added much more dialogue and detail. Please review! Really want to know what you guys think of this story so far! Trust me, it gets much better! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!)**


	2. Training

Chapter 2: Training

 **Disclaimer: I don't in** _ **any way**_ **, own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden**

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Another day, another dollar. Atleast that's Kakuzu's motto. Deidara and Hidan on the other hand were actually training to try and find the nine-tailed fox demon. Well...I don't know if you would call it training, but at least they were doing _something_.

"Hey blondie! I _reeeally_ don't wanna be here." Hidan groaned, scratching the back of his head in annoyance. "Well, neither do I. But we're almost done with our mission. Just one more jinchūriki and then it's over with." Deidara began to remove his Akatsuki robe, leaving him in his plain mesh top, black bottoms, and of course his sandals. It was silent for a while before Deidara could even start stretching, Hidan suddenly appeared behind him, his breath tickling the back of his neck. Deidara let out a sharp gasp and a shiver as he began to listen to what Hidan said. "Then let's skip class and go to recess, no one's gonna know, right? Let's have a little _fun_." He said and ended it with a wink, his Triple-Bladed Scyth in hand. He raised it up and allowed the tip of it to touch his neck. Deidara was covered in sweat and gulped down his choked-up saliva. He tried to play it cool and decided to stall, after all, this was probably Hidan's way of training, so he didn't take it too seriously. "You're acting..." Deidara started. "Don't say it." "You're acting..." "Don't say it!" "Idiotic. But hey, fine. You wanna play? Let's play." Deidara swiftly turned around and jumped backwards, standing much farther away from Hidan, now facing him and pulled out 3 kunai, tossing it at high speed, ripping his right arm sleeve. Hidan quickly retaliated, charging towards Deidara and attempted to slash him with his scyth, missing by _inches_. " _F***..._ " Hidan said under his breath. Deidara leaped to the side, wiping his face from sweat, realizing that he'd probably be rotting with Jashin, wherever he was located, if he wasn't so nimble. "Don't be so scared, Deidara. It's only a kitchen knife we're playing with here." Hidan mocked him, spinning his scyth in his hand clockwise before standing it firm on the ground, smirking at Deidara. "What is _up_ with you?" Deidara demanded.

Before he could get a response, they both heard Pein faintly call out from the roof of their hideout. "Hey! What's going on down there?!" Deidara and Hidan both looked up at Pein confused on why he was on their roof, but mostly because he came out of nowhere. Deidara saw his opportunity, as Hidan was vulnerable, still looking up at Pein. He charged at him in a rapid zig-zag motion, trying to confuse him, which ended up, to his suprise, actually working. He landed a hard kick to his left side, sending Hidan flying and slamming against a rocky wall, debris and dust was everywhere. Hidan groaned, his robe now covered in cuts and tears. Before things could get any worse, Pein leaped from the rooftop and landed on his 2 feet below, standing in between Deidara and Hidan. "Hey, hey, hey! What's going on here?!" Pein looked back and forth at them for answers. He should've listened to Deidara the other night when he said he didn't work well with Hidan. Oh well.

 _Poof!_

Suddenly, a cloud of smoke appeared and disappeared shortly after to reveal that it was Konan who was bruised against that rocky wall instead of Hidan! Her shadow clone jutsu exposed, leaving the two men in shock. Deidara knew there was something up with "Hidan" though, he knew Hidan was annoying, but not crazy. "Baby! Why were you disguised at Hidan? What happened?" Pein rushed over to her aid, kneeling down next to her. "Oh sweetie-pie, it's all _Deidara's_ fault! He tried to kill me!" She looked over at Deidara in disgust, then back at Pein with lust. "I did what now?! Back that s*** up!" Fanning himself in shock, as if she _just_ wasn't disguised has Hidan, as if Deidara knew that was Konan all this time. "Don't listen to him, Pein. I just politely asked him where you were and he started flirting with me, honest." "You were just a guy! And besides, you were the one who attacked me! If you weren't a lady right now I'd-" "That's enough." Pein got up and looked at Deidara hard, Konan getting up as well, dusting off the dirt from her robe. "Surely you believe me, right cookie?" She began make circular motions on Pein's chest, trying to win him over the best she could. She knew didn't have to try hard, after all, she knew that Pein loved her. He smiled at Konan before turning back to Deidara in disgust. "You sick b*stard." "Why me?!" _Poor Deidara._ "Oh my God, no one ever listens to me! She was all up in my space, yeah! And I don't roll like that!" "C'mon lovely, let's leave this psycho alone." Pein stated and leaned in to kiss Konan's forehead. She giggled before happily agreeing, both leaving to go inside, Deidara left standing there in awe. "Wow..my boss is blinded my love and Konan is officially a bimbo. Great." Deidara picked up his Akatsuki robe nearby before heading inside as well, too. It was getting pretty late anyways.

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Later that night, back at the Akatsuki hideout, it was about that time again. Football night! Yeah, the biggest and baddest group of all time is enjoying their day off watching football. It's a tradition, an Akatsuki tradition that is.

"Hey guys! The football game is on!" Tobi called out, giggling after. His friends responded all by letting out a loud cheer, all simultaneously rushing towards the living room, all trying their best to fit on their one long couch. Konan and Sasori were the only two who were seen walking to the living room, not as excited as the others. Since they both shared a hatred of football, they decided to sit next to each other. What's better than hating something alone? Hating something with a friend. "I hate football..." Sasori stated to Konan, as if she didn't already know. "Me too! It's just a bunch of greasy men, greasier than the food, running around punching and kicking each other for a _football_!" ' _Ah, she so gets me._ ' Sasori thought. "Yeah, I know right?" He laughed out loud.

"Move your big, thick, colossal head, Kakuzu!" Pein angrily said, as he had no other choice but to stand on his knees _behind_ the couch. "You know what? How about you open a can of whoop-a** and shut the f*** up?" " _Excuse_ me?" "You heard me!" Kakuzu turned around in the chair to look at him, ready to knock his lights out. Pein was about to do the same until he remembered this was family night and to keep his cool. "As your boss I order you too..." "You know what? Why don't you..." "The f***?" "Yes, I'm Sasuke's brother you sleezebag!" It was a crazy night at the Akatsuki household. All this bickering and fighting is what made them the best of friends, basically family. All of them talking at once, waiting for the game to finally start. I guess finding Naruto Uzumaki can wait until another day...right now, it was football time.

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 **(A/N: Please review! Would mean a lot!)**


	3. Football, Fights, and Sakura?

Chapter 3: Football, Fights, and Sakura?

 **Disclaimer: I don't in** _ **any way**_ **, own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden**

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"Oh...I could barely watch the game because of Kakuzu's _gigantic_ head." Hidan groaned after clicking off the TV with the remote. "Wanna say that to my face? Huh? Come at me, come at me!" Kakuzu was seen trying to break free from Tobi and Deidara's grasp, who were holding him back, preventing him from charging at slick-mouth Hidan. "Dumba**." Hidan spat. Kakuzu and Hidan were actually really good friends, so they never take each other seriously anyways. "Okay, okay stop!" Pein rose from behind the couch to a stand, now looking at his teammates one by one. "We need to be focusing on the big picture." He made a rectangle shape with his fingers in the air. "You mean like Kakuzu's head? 'Cause that's a picture I don't want in _my_ head." Deidara added, jokingly, as him and Itachi both laugh and high-5 shortly each other after. That's something that they could all agree on pretty much. Before Kakuzu could retaliate, which he looked like he was about to, Pein began to speak again. "Enough about his head!" He pointed at Deidara then at Itachi as a warning. "The jinchūriki could come at any time and we're not even prepared!" "Yeah we are, I think you've forgotten that we're the _Akatsuki_? Nobody can stop us." Hidan proudly stated, raising his Triple-Bladed Scyth in the air. "We can't be _too_ sure about that, Hidan. You just never know when someone's gonna just show up at our do-"

 _Ding-dong!_

"I'll get it!" Deidara yelled before rushing over to the cave door. He let out a deep breath and opened it revealing a weird looking yet beautiful and familiar kunoichi. Yes, it was Sakura. Her disguise could fool even the best ninja out there. She stood rather tall, had short pink hair and wore clothes as if she wasn't even a real ninja. Not going to lie, Deidara was pretty hesitant to even let her in but who was he to judge? "Why hello there, foxy mama." He winked and reached out to tickle her chin. "What's your name? Do you come here often?" He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed. "Um it's Tina...Tinaetsu. And no, I've never been around these parts." Sakura lied. "What stopped you from coming here earlier?" He smirked. She had absolutely no idea what to say so she did what she had to do which is what she does best: play dumb. Tinaestu giggled and started to twirl her hair a bit, Deidara was confused but regardless he took it as her hitting on him and didn't mind. "Hey, who's the chick at the door?!" Hidan called out, inching closer to find Tinaetsu there, and he stared her down. "We already have one female in this club and we don't need another!" Hidan continued and Konan was heard sucking her teeth from where she was sitting on the couch. "Don't mind them, come inside." Deidara made way so she could enter, closing the door after her. The moment she was inside, all eyes were on her. The questioning began to start, too, almost immediately. "So, what's your name?" Itachi asked. "Um, it's Tinaetsu." She played it cool. "Why are you here?" "I got lost. I saw that this cave had lights on, so I decided to enter, I don't have a solid place to say, if you want, you guys can search me. I have nothing to hide, I just need a place to stay for the time being. I promise to not get in anyone's way." She smiled to ease the awkwardness. Itachi thought for a bit before answering. "Well, you sound honest. You're free to stay if you'd like, make yourself at home, we're all friendly here." He smiled. _Arf, arf! Arf!_ Konan began to bark and growl like a dog, maybe it was a personal problem, but she wanted to be the only girl in the group, her biggest fear was them liking Tinaestu instead of herself. "Don't mind her dollface," White side of Zetsu began to speak up. "She's just jealous and used to being the only female in this club." "Oh cut the c***, we all know she's on her monthly." Hidan laughed, making his way over to sit back on the couch. "Oh dear." Tinaestu smiled and suddenly the Black side of Zetsu couldn't control his laughter. "Who says that anymore? ' _Oh dear_ '" he mimicked her and his other half began to laugh as well, both laughing in unison. "Right? This isn't the 1970s anymore." Sakura was left blankly staring at the two halves, embarrassed. "Eh, get used to it." Itachi said, walking past her to get to his room.

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 _Much later that night..._

"Well team, it's time for bed, you know. Tinaetsu, you can bunk with Konan, I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Pein spoke out loud. The others said their goodnights and headed off to their rooms, leaving Pein, Konan and Sakura to stand there. "What?!" Konan cried out. "You heard me, Konan. Sorry pumpkin, but it's tight around here." Pein reached for her hand but she pulled away. "Fine. Whatever. C'mon Tinaetsu..." "Coming!" Konan looked back at Pein in annoyance and turned back around to lead Sakura into her room. Pein stood there in awe, just watching Konan walk away before disappearing into her room along with Sakura. "Chicks man..." He shook his head and walked in the opposite direction, towards his room.

"You sleep on the bottom and I'll sleep at the top. Okay? Okay." Konan instructed. "Why does that even matter?" " _Does_ it matter? Yes. If you must know, the top bunk is kind of loose." She walked over and knocked on one of the legs, shaking with each touch she laid on it. "If the top bunk does fall, it will fall on you. Look, I don't like you. Okay? Okay." "Why? I didn't even do anything to you, I don't even _know_ you." Sakura admitted. "Not yet you didn't do anything to me. Listen up and listen good, I'm the only female Akatsuki member in this d*** household, got it? And you _will_ leave even if I have to escort you out. _Myself_." Konan made herself clear, Sakura exhaling as her response. "Oh, okay then, goodnight I guess." She tried so hard to keep her cool and to give in, after all this was all part of the plan to gain information on the Akatsuki. "Not for you, sleep with one eye open tonight, b****." She threatened her, taking off her Akatsuki robe and sandals, leaving her in only a full black jumpsuit. Konan walked over to switch off the light before climbing up and onto the bed, Sakura removing her sandals, going on her bed shortly after as well. 15 minutes passed and she was still so restless, she couldn't stop thinking about her teammates. _'I wonder if Naruto, Sai and Kakashi sensei are wondering if I'm okay...'_ She thought, finally decided to lay down on her side, her hands resting under her head and staring at nothing in the thick darkness.

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 _Naruto, Kakashi, and Sai_

 _"Hey Kakashi sensei, do you think sending Sakura out there was a good idea?" Naruto spoke over a fire he made, trying to stay warm in this harsh cold night. "Are you nuts?! Best decision of my life!" Kakashi laughed, warming up by the fire as well. "What about you, Sai?" He looked over to him, who was with his sketchbook, sitting at the far end of the log. He looked up from his art to stare at Naruto blankly before answering. "I don't know, was it a good idea?" Naruto hated when Sai acted slick like that, just answer the question. "Thank God this is an improvement." Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief, tilting his head back, eyes closed, thinking about how long Sakura's going to be gone for made him want to do cartwheels on the water right now. Naruto stared at his sensei rather confused. "She wasn't that bad, Kakashi sensei..." "Wasn't that bad?!" He went back to staring at Naruto in shock. "That pink haired loser was slowin' us down! We're better off with Lady Chiyo! Oh, and that girl's attitude really p***** me off. B****-a** mother-f**-" "Okay, okay we get it!" Naruto awkwardly laughed, but really, he was annoyed and shocked that his own sensei would think of his own team mate like that with such hate and anger. "Oh, sorry. I got carried away." Kakashi awkwardly laughed, too. Sai just shook his head and went back to whatever he was doing._

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"Eh, they're probably making a plan to come and get me right now!" Sakura quietly said to herself, before turning around in the bed once again, trying her hardest to fall asleep. It was going to be long days ahead of her...

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 **(A/N: This might've been confusing, or it might have not been if you were paying attention. But Tinaetsu is Sakura of course, Kakashi sent her out (willingly) to see if she could gather as much information on the Akatsuki as possible, knowing that they're out to get Naruto.** **PLEASE REVIEW** **, need some honest opinions here.)**


	4. Surprise! Welcome to Base Camp

Chapter 4: Surprise! Welcome to Base Camp

 **Disclaimer: I don't in** _ **any way**_ **, own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden or Regular Show**

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The sun was out, the birds were singing, it was a good day in Konohagakure. The majority of the Akatsuki members were all lounging around in the living room, wishing they could get more sleep but of course they had things to do and responsibilities to take care of.

"Oh, I couldn't sleep last night at all..." Kisame groaned, sitting on the couch, his head resting on the chair's arm. "Ugh, me either..." Itachi agreed, running his hands through his hair before sighing. "I slept like a baby!" Pein happily added, placing his hands behind his head, resulting in a deep glare from his teammates. "Well we didn't, the A/C blew out and it's hotter than a motherf*****." Itachi said. They were all without their Akatsuki robes, well at least everyone _but_ Pein. Konoha's known for hot weather and on top of that no A/C? They must've been swimming in their sweat by now. "Yeah! I had to let down my hair." Deidara ran his hands through his gold locks before reaching for his hair tie in his pocket to tie up his hair again. "Ugh, I know right? I had to take off my mask! And besides your hair kept falling on my face like f****** Rapunzel up in this b****!" "Kakuzu, what are you even trying to say?!" "Enough! Deidara, Kakuzu, that's _enough_. Stop fighting, you guys are seriously starting to act like Konan." Pein scoffed. Deidara let out a quick laugh. "You're right. Speaking of Konan, where is she?" "Hello! Good morning!" Just in that very moment Konan just happened to emerge from her room and she looked as satisfied as ever for some reason. "Someone's in a good mood!" Tobi greeted her by clapping his hands and smiling through his mask. "Yes, I am in a good mood thank you very much." "Konan what did you do sweetie?" Pein just had to ask, genuinely concerned. "Oh nothing. Tinaetsu and I had a little _makeover_ , that's all." "That's not good..." Deidara rubbed his forehead. _Creek..._ Konan's room door opened and Tinaetsu came out, looking like she got into 4 fights at once. Her hair was a mess, her clothes were ripped, and scratches covered her body. "Ew!" Kisame hollered, and all eyes were on Tinaetsu, she looked like a completely mess. "You look like a bear, yeah!" "No one likes you!" Konan reminded her, her mouth carved into an evil grin. Pein couldn't help but laugh, trying his best to conceal it by covering his face, pretending he was just tired and trying to wipe his sleepiness away. "G-guys...!" He choked out during his laughter. "Guys, c'mon. Sounding a little more serious this time. "Besides Tinaestu looking uglier than a banshee, I have great news!" "What is it this time?" Kakuzu asked, sounded uninterested. "I've got a high class top A alias named "Lumps" and his sidekick, "High Fight Ghost"." Pein smiled hard and brought his hands together, as if he was praying, awaiting his teammates reactions. "Why...? And those names sound like something you'd get off a show called " _Regular Show_ ", where it's anything but." Suddenly, everyone stopped to look at Hidan in confusion as to why he would think of something random like that. "What? You start to wonder..." Silence. "... _Anyways_ , he'll visit us tomorrow at exactly 3:05PM on the dot. He'll be instructing us on how to make our stomach's stronger, ya' know, things like that." Pein said. "Ugh, just what I needed, another pair of whiny brats." There Hidan went complaining again. "We're not _that_ whiny..." Kisame and Tobi both quickly sulked at his comment, already know Hidan was directing it at them. "Oh, quit ya' b****in', mate!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes at those two. "I know right?! They act like a bunch of babies, yeah?" "Deidara, Kakuzu, enough! Or I'll use your bodies as my 6th paths of Pein!" Pein joked, resulting in a sigh and a head shake from his teammates. "Was the joke that bad? C'mon now. LAUGH OR YOU'RE ALL _**FIRED**_!" Now they were laughing. (Fake laughing that is.) Pein giggled. "Uhh yeah- okay everyone let's listen to what our boss has to say. But I think we should all get more sleep so we can be rested up and meet our trainers "Lumps" and "Fives" tomorrow." Itachi said. "Thanks, Itachi." Pein smiled. "Trust me, this is a completely selfish reason, c'mon Konan, we're sleeping together tonight." Itachi winked at Konan before grabbing her hand and rushing to his room. "Oh my, so forceful, me likey!" Konan was heard before his room door closed behind them. "The h***?!" Pein was in shock, mouth agape, eyes wide open. "Let it go sir, he's on his way there, yeah..." "Ugh...what a wh***! C'mon Sasori. You and I are gonna be roomies!" He laid his hand on Sasori's shoulder. "Don't. _Touch_. Me." Sasori grew angrier by the second. "Huh?" Pein smiled, not knowing what he said. "Uhh, I said I'm ready..." "Uh yeah? C'mon then!" Sasori silently pulled out a knife from under his robe. "Coming..." They both walked over to Pein's room, shutting the door after. "Well, this is gonna be interesting." Kisame stated, slipping yen in Kakuzu's robe. "And we had _nothing to do with it_." He finished, grinning evilly. Kakuzu grinned too, accepting the money with a smile. Everyone else was already long gone into their rooms, leaving them two to stand there conversing for a while, before entering their rooms as well.

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 **(A/N: Please review! _Review! Review! It only takes one second, but means a lot!_ )**


	5. Lumps & Fives

Chapter 5: Lumps & Fives

 **Disclaimer: I don't in** _ **any way**_ **, own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden, Regular Show or 5 Gum.**

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 _NEXT DAY_

They were all standing in a vacant battlefield, awaiting this ninja Pein talking about nonstop. Pein was sure of himself this time and he felt the interview went smooth, he was ready to make his teammates proud...

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"Okay Pein, we're here, now where _is_ he?" Hidan grew impatient, arms crossed. Pein was seen nervously checking his watch while pacing back and forth, noticing it was 3:05PM and Lumps and Fives still were nowhere in sight. "He'll show up." "He said the same thing, except with his ex-wife Anko, but is she here?" Deidara whispered to Itachi, snickering afterwards. But apparently not silent enough, cause Pein still heard him. "Can it you two." Pein warned. It was now 3:06PM, and they finally saw Lumps and Fives entering the premises from the distance. Upon laying their eyes on the two, almost everyone's jaw dropped to the ground. This was it? "That's your a-class ninja?" Itachi stated, the most shocked and disappointed out of the all. He expected better from Pein. Afterall, he's _Pein_! "Oh." "My." " _Jashin_." Kisame, Deidara, and Hidan couldn't believe it either.

"Why hello there." Lumps smugly grinned, everyone looking at him disgust, including Pein. "Heh, heh, excuse me for a minute guys." He nervously laughed to his teammates before pulling Lumps to the side to talk to him privately, just as confused as the others. This was the last time he was doing over the phone interviews. "Nutjob." Kakuzu whispered under his breath about his leader, sizing Pein up and down while looking at him angrily as he walked away. "Hey lumps..." "Call me Muscle Man." "Uh, okay. _Muscle Man_ , I thought you said you were an a-class ninja!" Pein whisper-snapped. "Oh, you said a-class ninja? I thought you said a _fat_ ninja!" "You're not even a ninja?" "In bed I am!" He winked before high fiving High Five Ghost. "Okay, ew?! Who's the ghost then? High Five right?" "Yup, that's his name." Pein scratched his head. "Is _he_ a ninja?" "No, I'm not." High Five admitted. "Then what the f*** are you two dweebs doing here?!" "Duh old guy, the ladies!" Pein face remained blank, yeah this was definitely for sure the last over the phone interview. "I especially love the tall blonde." Muscle Man went on to say. "Wait, no that's-" "Oh, I see, you just want her all to yourself!" He spat before running over to Deidara who's back was in front of Muscle Man. "Why hello there sexy demon. How about you and me train on ourselves?" Muscle said, attempting to fix his shirt and hair while flirting with him. Deidara turned around and looked down to find a goblin like human in his presence. "Holy cr*p dude, you're a _dude_!" Muscle Man's eyes grew wide, this was not what he was expecting. "And you're short, stubby and unappealing. Are we done stating the obvious, yeah?" "Oh shut up! How old are you, like 11 maybe? I'm old enough to be— _YOUR MOM_!" He high fived High Five Ghost, who was nearby. Deidara sighed and walked over to Hidan, disgusted. Just when he thought it was over, Hidan slapped his butt but laughing at the whole thing. "' _Oh, wanna train on ourselves?_ '." Hidan mimicked in a high pitched girly voice, batting his eyelashes while making a kissy face at Deidara, who fake laughed and tried his best to block out Hidan. To his dismay, Kisame decided to join along, too. "Muah, muah, muah, Deidara!" Kisame and Hidan were now on the verge of tears from laughing so hard, high fiving each other as well. "Hey, that's _our_ thing!" Muscle Man said, looking annoyed. "Okay, okay guys. Let's get serious. Now High Five and Muscle Man, are you guys going to actually teach us something?" Itachi questioned the two clowns. "What are you, Head Honcho?" I'm in charge!" Pein whined, before averting his attention back to Muscle Man and High Five Ghost. "Okay I will, only if I become a part of this little club." The moment after that sentence left his mouth, Pein snorted and an eruption of laughter followed after, holding onto Itachi's arm sleeve in the process, trying to stand himself on his own two feet. Itachi sighed. "You're funny man! That was cute, wasn't that cute Itachi?" Pein looked at him, who remained silent. "Yeah, that was cute." Pein answered for him. Muscle Man on the other hand was not amused, tapping his shoe, waiting for Pein to be done. "I'm not joking." "Yeah you can be a part of this club, and oh! You can be the leader too!" Pein busted out laughing once again, this time putting his hands on his knees, laughing at the ground. "Bro, I'm serious." Before Pein could respond, Itachi grabbed Pein to the side, to where everyone else was. "Come Pein, conference!" And they all huddled. "Look, we _pretend_ to put him in our club!" Itachi said. "Ah, okay. Conference over." Pein grinned. They all un-huddled, acting casual. "That was fast, yeah." Deidara smirked. "Woo! So was that 5 Peppermint gum you bought!" Kakuzu began to fan in front of his nose, his face scrunching up. "Yo breath funky! Who's with me?!" He looked around desperately, Kisame agreed too, high fiving him after. "What?! It doesn't even smell!" Deidara breathed into his hand and sniffed it, smelling nothing. "I have a mask on and I still can smell-" "Are you ladies done yet?" Muscle interrupted Deidara and Kakuzu's bickering. "Fat head..." Pein whispered under his breath, glaring at Muscle Man from afar. He didn't know how long he could keep up with this whole joke thing they've got going on. Whether it was true or not, he didn't want Muscle Man in or nowhere near the Akatsuki at this point. As their leader he had to think of something.

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 **(A/N: Please please review! ~)**


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